Joe Hawtness In The 'Too Much' Flesh!!!

Is that your navel? Or did you get raped by some pissed off dude with a butcher’s knife?

That first picture makes you look like Zach Galifianakis.

I’ll let your imagination decide that. Also…alt text second image.

do not insult Zach Galifianakis

You’re really not that bad looking!

I have to say it. Photoshopped. That’s a dude. There. Did I miss anything?

you look like a good friend of mine, but he is much much hairier. It is a good look man, wear it with pride.

Nice Venture Bros. tie. very classy

yes… yes you did miss something

Okay, who knew our man was this sexy! I love barrel-chested, inked-up smokers in fedoras. No lie, this was a nice surprise.

Don’t lie to the nice people Joe. That IS your belly button. Be proud of you alien heritage!

I can imagine the hair being pulled with the pasties. Ouch!

i don’t know if you noticed, but your cigarette isn’t lit!

I can’t smoke in my basement ever since my mom’s house got its liquor license.

Holy fucking shit you win 100 internets!!!!! Nice catch.

Dude.. I think I just fell in love with you..
totally get the ‘hawt’
in joe hawtness now..

Now I have an image to concentrate on when I masturbate. Ohhhh, baby, and I’m not even gay!

Or should I say I wasn’t before.

Wow. This is what I was waiting for??? Dude, you’re not that bad looking. Actually, you’re pretty hot.

so when can you and i crack open some beer, roll a fattie and watch girl on girl porn together is what i wanna know?

WTF did you have keyhole surgery for on the left side? Doesn’t look like the right place for a splenectomy.

All I have to say is WOOOO!

i must say very zexy

Id say keep up the good work (behind the cameras and monitors ;P ) I prefer seeing your taste for hawties than your… well… that…

Well…you do look like a nerdy fanboy that still lives in his mom’s basement- but cooler. I bet you’ve actually touched a boob before

I’ll let you pick the time and place. Provided my mom lets me out.

Yeah, but I passed out shortly afterwords. So the whole ordeal was sort of a blur.

Gunshot wound? 32 maybe?

Hey, what’s your tattoo all about?

Awwwyeah baby, turn around, let us see what you got.

You’re cute.

As I girl I have 2 points to make. 1. I want that tie 2. You have pretty eyes.

Go Joe!

Shame. From reading the comments above, I’d say you could have another shot. Granted, there are some man-boobs in the mix…

Yup. I agree. Not as painful as I thought it was gonna be.

You pretty good lukin guy.

Hey! You’re actually quite good looking. And I know you’re funny from regularly visiting the site. I would totally hit that if I was single. (Granted, the pasties are a little unsettling, lol.) Don’t be so hard on yourself man.

Dear Joe
I have more chest hair than you.
Just thought you should know.
Sincerely,
Max

SHOPPED!

Awsome beard.
There, I said it.

Aw Joe, you’re cute! I mean, you’d be better without the beard IMHO. (I don’t like facial hair.) But it’s nice to see a guy with chest hair – too many guys wax now adays. And your manboobs aren’t bigger then mine.
Honestly, you’re not as bad as you make out. I bet lots of girls like to cuddle with you.

Forgot to mention I’m a militant anti-smoker. So you’d have to lose the cig too. Besides, it’s a proven fact that smoking causes impotence. (Tar collects in the soft tissues of the penis, restricting blood flow, therefore leading to impotence.) If you smoke you will have to go on Viagra. Bob Dole takes Viagra. Do you REALLY want to have something in common with Bob Dole?

Dear Max,
I am jealous.
There I said it.
Sincerely,
Joe

P.S. Pics or it didn’t happen.

I do like to talk about myself in the third person

Cute. (I am a girl, btw.

MINE EYES! THE GOGGLES DO NOTHING!

Dude! I have the same hat as you. LONG LIVE THE FEDORA FRATERNITY!!

I’d hit it

Uhhh…….ok.

I think I have the same glasses as you. And want that tie, seriously awesome.

Where’s Canman with the fat joke now?

With a stick, maybe.

I keed, I keed. Seriously, man, I agree with what Kitsune said.

lol brilliant… i bet you only have 1 to do sexy pictures like these

Well, Joe, looks like you’ve managed a whole lot of conquests here all at one go. All of them are male, school-age kids, though, not sure if that was EXACTLY what you were after. But good luck with the invitations to candle-lit dinners in their mums’ basement rooms.

Joe, the shape of the hair on your chest reminds me of the crosses from the Blair Witch Project.

NO! I voted NO! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!

I’d tap that. you seeing anyone?

I think you’re actually pretty hot.

D’AAAWWW YOU’RE SO CUTE!

I know?! I’ve been waiting all morning.

Thanks…

That may well be the oddest thing anyone has told me about myself.
Well done, sir.

I usually go on here for the chicks…

But you’re hot too

+1 !

Wow Joe, you are sexy as hell

Y’know what? You actually look like a pretty OK dude. I’d drink a scotch with you. I wish you the best of success. I was totally afraid you’d look like a total douchebag or something.

If you had hyperlinks available, I’d have high-lighted “douchebag” and sent everybody to http://www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com

But, then, if your audience doesn’t already know about that one, they probably don’t DESERVE to know, now do they?

You bastard, I barfed so hard my stomach was in my mouth

Nip slip

Ok, we’ve got to see close ups of the tattoos a la Ugliest Tattoos, your sister site.

Holy crap. You’re legit hot. and here I was expecting some creepy old guy like the ones that hit on me at the grocery store. Win? I believe so.

Please tell me “Max” is short for Maxine.

I have to say, I didn’t realize what this was when I first saw it, and so was a little confused. Beyond the fact that I generally only come to Hawtness for the, you know, hot chicks, it was a fairly pleasant surprise.

You’re far from appalling. In fact, you’re nearly almost nice enough to hold your own on the site. So not too shabby.

This is a chick, by the way, if that helps any balancing out the Schoolboy Mancrush theme of your comments.

g-tube or gall bladder scar ?

Nice hairline, nice and receding.

You’re a total cutie! I would suggest making babies, but I’ve already agreed to do the same with a different chubby bearded boy with square plastic glasses…

Two things.

First: Pretty good looking for an internet guy.
Second: I want to know more about the Tattoos.

There you go Joe….maybe you can trade her the tie for a boob touch, or two! (try not to pass out this time)

That looks like my mom!

I’d hit that, but i imagine our realtionship would be like Pam and tommy lee’s. Of course you would get the Pamela end of the deal.

Wow. You’re actually pretty cute. Sort of a bear cub look.

I really like scotch…and gin. I think I’m going to grab a drink now. And might I add, the best to you as well, Goober.

You are hawt sir, get it… hawtness.

Joe!
I’ve known you for almost 10 years, and this is only the second time I’ve seen you with your shirt off.

How can anyone resist that come hither stare or those attractive hairy moobs?

What, no tassels? Ah well, still a nice change from all the usual Hawtness…

no, his chest hair looks like a sprawled out stickman and dude chicks tell me im good lookin, but i reckon u win like 50 hands down

Wow…poker pasties AND glasses? Hawt….just, not Hawtness.

The first 2 pictures are awesome…..but the last one was horrible compared to those lovely man boobs….. FAT PEOPLE UNITE!!!!

I second the pretty eyes comment
Mind you, I’m a sucker for a beardie

hawt facial hair. my favorite…

i wonder if those were as fun to take off as they were to put on.

Hawt…NAWT.

Joe, you shall henceforth be known as “Joe Nawtness.”

And you have only yourself to blame…

I voted yes, and I approve of those pics… the top two, NOT that other one (yikes!). When your mom lets you out, you can totally come over to my house and co-op on some xBox games.
Call me!

Joe! Minus the pasties, you’re quite the cutie!

Joe baby, you have beautiful blue eyes

You look like the creeper from that movie about a hangover, can’t quite remember what it was called, but it involved several guys hungover from roofies instead of x… and Mike Tyson knocked him out…

I think it was called the Hang… something….

Awww… I was hoping to see your awesome mini-fridge…

From what you say about yourself I was expecting a greasy-haired, morbidly obese guy in a leopard print bathrobe… but you’re… HAWT. o.O

You actually look quite nice, sir :]
(thought I’d put my two cents in, everyone else was complimenting you. But, in all seriousness, I think you’re being far too hard on yourself.)

So it looks after all you might get some invitations to candle-lit dinners from GIRLS, too.
(Keep away from their mums, though. They can be very embarrassing, with loads of personal questions.)

MOLE

Honestly, you look like a younger, less fuzzy version of my husband. (much less fuzzy.) Beard and all. And considering I’m married to someone who looks like you… yeah, I’d hit that.

Love the blog, baby. Keep up the good work. kisses.

This is so not as bad as i was thinking it was going to be you do have really pretty eyes but i worry about the bullet wound…..did you go duck hunting with Dick Cheney?
i voted yes ….

Nice tie.

You’re a sexy man. And you get many extra points for the Dr Killinger tie!

I know right…wtf hairline?!?!??!?!
But, I suppose I’m no spring chicken.

I almost shot gin out of my nose when I read this…Nawtness…I like it.

ok…i officially love You Joe!! so kute (i love nerds) the little pasties are adorkable..they make me want to peel them off and lick what i find underneath..btw..i know i would look better in that hat than You :p

Hey Jon! How’s it going? I’m sorry I don’t walk around all the time without a shirt on.

I love that tie, and pretty much invent excuses to wear it.

i missed the voting. but you eerily remind me of an ex of mine but on the upside you have pretty eyes

Joe, I was way surprised how good you look. I agree with the pretty eyes & awesome tie comments. Rock the tie!

It really isn’t as bad as I was expecting. I mean, I’m from the internet, I’ve seen much much worse.

Wow, I was expecting you to be some really gross creeper from your self descriptions but you’re really attractive! And you have a Venture Bros tie on! I now love you and declare us internets married, I’ve changed my last name accordingly.

OH GOD! POUR THE HOLY WATER INTO MY EYES!!! Wait… Not too bad looking , but I’m straight so bleh

Joe you are truely hawt,wow!

for the tie I’d make it 3 boob touches.

1. Fedora. win.
2. OMG TIE. i must know where i can obtain one.
3. you do, indeed, have perty eyes. ( XD i’m from kansas, i had to do the accent)
4. Nice glasses, mine are very similar.
5. I have to admit, i’m a bit disappointed that the pasties aren’t sparkly. eh well.
not bad, in any case
PS. i am, in fact, a girl.
PPS. the tan lines in the last picture bother me immensely.

1. pic: “sooo… i did what you wanted – i came to your basement, undressed, put stickers on my nipples – i’m still waitin for that lighter and now your makin pictures of me? and what are you hiding behind your back?”
2. pic: *chainsaw-cutting-through-belly-noise*

i think if thats really joe on the fotos – he dead, man.
R.I:p ADOnis

I like how the only people you’re responding to are male, haha. I agree with the remarks about you being cute.

I’d pull you into a deep hug… and then I’d steel your tie and run off.

Rawr! (that means “you’re hawt!” in dinosaur)

You’re quite cute – just about exactly my type. Wow. And your eyes are very attractive.

Stasia

You look like the perfect person to get a hug from when I’m feelin down.

I think he looks good. Definitely like the courage though! Give that man a Klondike bar

Joe! Let’s go grab a drink! I’m sure we can hook you up with about 3 dozen or so fine hotties!

damn boy, you’re not nearly as bad lookin’ as you made out. you’re HAWT! :3

Stay classy, man. Nice tie. Awesome fedora. e-chocolate and a nice Chianti are on the way, but I’m afraid I have no e-money to stick in your garter. o/.\-

Steal. Wow.

You look like a younger, skinnier, “Silent Bob” without the overcoat. I’ve seen much uglier married men.

**RAWR** ;P

LOL!!!

i’m a girl gotta say i love a cuddly guy with beard
Xx

You are one hot fellow. I totally love your beard. And I have a LOT more chest hair than you. Next to me, you’d look hairless. Nice tie, too.

Aww, you have pretty eyes!

I voted “no” but this is nice anywhooo.

Pasties win! Plenty of WTF in that pic, Joe.

Oh… hey… hello, you’re totally hawt together with your sense of humour you got this German girl al hot and bothered. Wanna come for a visit to Germany? I’ll give you beer and some robust German lovin’…

Joe, had to leave a comment. Voted “yes” and pretty glad I did. You look awesome and pretty much like what I’m aiming for, sadly, I have a very high metabolism and can never grow a beerbelly or manboobs. I’ve tried. Let’s have scotch and smoke a pipe..or cigars some time, I’m byin’. >.>

Hmmm, maybe these pics will cure my cat of being in heat?

Just kidding!!!! You do have great eyes.
I have a matching g-tube scar, but it’s under a huge surgery scar, so no tie could possibly hide it. And no, no pics to follow.

Joe runs the site… there was a vote thing on a couple of pics of hot women wearing pasties to decide whether the world wanted him to try… we decided we did! lol

good for you joe for having the balls to put those up!!!

Hawt

Tan lines and cellulite.

Mom: “So how did you meet?”

Girl: “Oh, he’s the moderator of a Web site that has pictures of Hawt girls doing wierd things. I really fell for him when he posted half naked pictures of himself in homemade pasties. Tee-hee.”

That might have been my old boss. *shudders*

He may be weirded out to have so many female followers.

well finally i understand why this site is called Hawtness <3

DO NOT WANT
DO NOT WANT
DO NOT WANT
*curls up in ball sobbing and sucking thumb*

Oh man you’re so cool ! XD How many people would’ve told the idea without having the guts to do it ? And we appreciate your humoristic self degradation, but no you’re not looking that bad, not my type of guy, but still got a cute face

And YES, guys nowaday can admit other men are pretty !

damn,now i want that hug.

Holy crap at the hole in your chest.
I mean did you have a “Chasing Amy” moment.

a dr. killinger tie, no less.

So, yeah, “no homo” and all that.

I work with Joe Hawtness (srsly) and I gotta say, he looks better with the clothes on. A few fancy Fridays ago, he was wearing navy pinstripe slacks, a pale shirt and that tie while leaning casually against the wall all James-Dean-Style and I thought “Damn! I bet his mother’s basement is just wall-to-wall ladies down there”.

I got one you can touch. lol

YOU’RE SOOOO CUUUUTTTTEEEEE omgz want.

Wow. why do so many chicks come here to look at…chicks, at least most of the time?

hawt =)

I’ve tried to respond to as many as I can get to…plus I think I just respond better to hate and offers of booze.

OMGZ RAINIER WOLFCASTLE YOU WIN ONE MEELLION INTERNETS!

Oh, Kansas…I used to be a Missouri kid so I know the accent well.
The tie is available at adultswim.com

I agree. Nothing at all wrong with these pics. and nice MST3K reference

oh and i’m not terribly crafty so I just went with easy to find pasties which were just poker chips.

+ 2! There are six possible boobie touches here for the taking sir!

the game

Had I been duck hunting with Cheney I think I would have been shot in the face.

The scar…I had to be fed through a tube when i was really young.

Damn now the mystery of the bullet wound is gone.

Also I knew you’d only hug me for a chance at the sweet Dr. Killinger tie.

WHAT DO YOU HAVE AGAINST MY PASTIES!!!

but thank you.

You know…I just had nothing Tassely around the basement. Shame really.

So wait, I’m not grown up enough to be a bear?
awww…

Your former boss hits on people at grocery stores? Can’t he take a night class or buy women drinks at bars? Do you think the boxes of frozen corndogs just scream aphrodisiac to him?

Yeah, being a female at a grocery store is bad idea.

Though if Joe came rollin’ through… not so much.

Really lovin’ the ink and the tie. And the fedora.

To sum up my thoughts (I will still try to respond personally to comments) Thanks to those of you who don’t think I’m disgusting!!!!!
To those of you who did, thanks for the perspective I guess.
The tie is available at AdultSwim.com
The scar is (sadly) not a bullet hole, it is from an operation when I was a baby human.
And, perhaps I’ll take a couple of photos of my tattoos and post them in the comments.

we can’t appreciate the female form just as much as you? ouch.

i’m also an art student. i’m wanting to get a pinup tattoo sometime soon & i stumbled across this site searching for ideas.

damn you

that just made my day.

Are you a dinosaur?

WTB JOE HAWTNESS. <- WoW reference. But seriously. I will give you a case of beer and some naughty pics. Kgo. Oh, yes I am in fact a chick. Now kgo.

GAH!!!!!

Wow… definitely NOT what I expected… you’re not bad looking at ALL! Props on convincing all of us you’d be freakishly hideous and geeky =D and I’m curious how you got the chips to stick….

I would prefer whiskey… also thanks for the trade chat!

electrical tape. Side note: did not hurt as much as you’d think coming off.

welcome to my corner of the interwebs

thanks martin, though you make my lair sound sort of creepy. And trust me you rock your suit way better than I.

i salute you, sir. XD

you’re just like my daddy!! Many huggies ^^

Lol, I can see that happening

um…creepy…

You’re a cutie
And you kinda look like silent bob….:P

Where that “outfit” to e3 and go to Obsidians NewVegas table…they’d get a kick outta it.

I’d hit that like a cheap drum…

….why does your mother’s house have a liquor liscence?

and do you know how to make a chocolate martini or a Zombie?

I see your “touches” and raise you a full on grope added to an ass smack…

Bob Dole approves!

Now go get Bob Dole a sandwich….

I’m a murderous Asexual Pterosaur….

+5 doctor henry killinger tie. where’s your magic murder bag?

So are you now an adult bird????
Or perhaps a baby velociraptor…..

Dude, seriously. Chicks appreciate hawt pictures of chicks almost as much as guys do. I’d say at least a quarter of the site’s watchers are chicks, maybe more. Just thought I’d say it.

I’m currently working on filling it with evil.

probably closer to a hedgehog.

hawt damn. your name does not lie, sir.

+3. Make that eight possible boobies.

Aww, why did you have to go and reveal the real cause of your scar? I thought it might have been some super cool story of how some hawtness chick drugged you and you woke up in a bathtub full of ice while missing a kidney You’re alright looking, I’ve seen much worse in less clothing (I like the tie)

I just threw up in my mouth a little bit

Ya know, I was expecting a horrible bastardized amalgamation of man and woman that was forced through a radio active generator, ground up in a wood chipper, re-conceived in the womb of a kobold, burned to death and resurected as a zombie.

Your actually moderatly attractive >_>

Thanks once again for crushing my hopes of seeing such things. This is proof god hates me.

By the way in lieu of the pasties…. “P-P-P-Poker face p-poker face!”

Well, as a chick, I must say, I think you’re rather good looking. You have that Seth Rogan/Zack Gaoeiur83wuty8eh appeal. (Yeah, I’m not gonna google the spelling of his name. You all know who I’m talking about.) I’d give you a whirl.

Sorry…I may have called my mother a kobold once or twice if that helps.

Really funny how you’ve gotten 5 times the comments of any of the average posts, and very few negative ones, might I add.

He must be puny and afraid you’ll kick his can all the way down the block.

Please capitalize God. Give the Pops some props.

It’s spelled “Jack Black”

Well, Joe, you look just fine. And that scar..that GOT to hurt :S Anyways, after looking at you, all I wanna do is stare at your eyes ( I like their color), pinch your cheeks and steal your tie. And for all those who “barfed in their mouth” and stuff…you have no souls
PS (Yes, i’m a girl. Someone above said that at least a quarter of the people who visit Hawtness are girls…yes, I’m pretty sure it’s more than a quarter)

So uhh…. Joe… How do you feel about moving out of your mothers basement and into mine? I think there might have been a vaguely funny dirty joke in there. I would go on with more WoW references, but I’m rather flustered by just how damn hawt you really are. Anywho…. I have no idea where I was going with that.

why does everyone want to steal my tie?!?!?!

It does… .a lil…..

wait…one?

Because it’s awesome!! Everyone also wants to stare into your eyes, hug you, and wear your hat, even the men.

You have such nice eyes! They’re so expressive! How are you single?! BTW, I’m a girl, too. Why is everyone saying their gender, anyway?

I really love the name Thick McRunfast…Oh MST3K.

Nah, if I did that I would probably spill my drink.

damn, that’s a lot of boobies…

Yeah, that’s the beginning of a bad situation. Albeit hilarious.

Did you take one in the gut? Looks like a gsw.

Less tie= more Joe, thereby increasing hawtness exponentially.
Lemme know if you ever wanna visit “Down Under”.

WOO HOO for MOOBS!

That’s what coasters are for.

Hey, he’s working on it! His first nipple relocate work was in the wrong spot as to the funky scar

In the interest of sexual equity, I politely demand: MORE MEN IN PASTIES. Thank you.

I appreciate a man who is a Venture fan. Looking good, Joe.

P.S. Am I only one who thinks all the girls going “ZOMG UR HAWT! Not ugly like I thought cuz that’s what you said!!!!!!11!!!1″ have some faulty sarcasm-detection equipment?

Just kidding, don’t get crabby. Female Hawtness Fans Unite! lol

Joe, make Nawtness.com
DO IT.

Hooray! Woohoo!

Ha ha, no self-depreciation there. We all agreed on DailySquee.com that hedgehogs are possibly the cutest semi-veribrates on the planet.

I want to see your tats from a better angle. They’re sexy as all hell from what I can see.
Are you in front of a screen door of sorts?
Rocking the beard. Nice eyes. I like.

I also really want to see what Martin Cron described. That sounds like some serious badassery going on there.

I’ve never said this in the few times I’ve commented here, but I really hate the little cartoon dude I got stuck with as a display picture.
I think on FailBlog I have an angry little triangle man.
This one looks like alien testicles.

What the hell Joe! I’ve been following Hawtness for months, expecting you to maybe, actually be a gross troll that lives in his mother’s basement. Now I don’t even care if you live in your mother’s basement, because you are goddamn cute. This girl is pleasantly surprised

Yeah, that’s not how smoking causes impotence, you know that right? It’s about blood pressure, microcirculation and atherosclerosis. Smoking does a lot of shitty things but filling the penis with tar ain’t one of them

awww, ur cute!

This will be my first comment on any of the chzburger sites, and I have to say I envy you good sir. To have over 200 comments of (mostly) people telling you(in so many words) they would like to jump your bones XD. Also I too would like to say you look nothing like I expected, I was thinking much worse than this. Hope everyone’s comments have made you feel better about yourself lol.

Lmfao, maaan I still crack up when I read thie second comment XD. Idk what the hell mine looks like though.

Awww you’re cute ^^ Not ugly at all. I bet you master the puppy-eyes skill big times.
Love, Esmee (yes, a girl)

Holy… Wow. You are sexy kind of in shock, but pleasantly. Love the tie and hat and cigarette. Very classy… Gotta admit its a turn on to see a guy who can make a pastie photo get so many hawt comments. Wow, you’re awesome. Oh, and yes, I’m a chick. Just bi. Love your site even more than I did before now… which is really saying something. btw, I show my friends your site. Everyone agrees it is pure win. Thanks!!!!

I AM SASQUATCH!!
http://yfrog.com/3zimage0074xj

teehee. You’re cute.

wow, way to kill the mood, Zero.

Ah, you remind me of my friend Aaron! Everyone called him Dildo Baggins because of his height and the fact that male friends are just rude, but he was still extremely attractive.

I almost went with “Flint Ironstag,” but thought that was a bit unrealistic. This name is very accurate.

… well that’s disappointing. I’d steeled myself for impending eye-rape and this is what I get? you’re actually fairly hawt! D:

I’m a girl, but then again I didn’t just scream “suck my titties, joe!!!”

So someone that guys think are cool and doesn’t look or sound like a girl (Justin Beiber) is gettin heaps of girls likin it…. sweet

way to rock the man pasties– though, to be fair, they weren’t REALLY pasties… you should probably do another shoot with tassels, or hello kitty pasties, or something shiny.
for creativity, A+
for actual pastie-age? C

but, way to rock it out, nonetheless.

+5

I’d hit that. And do double damage.

Incidentally. Joe- you got a purdy mouth.

8 boobies for Joe the Hawtie ;p

Hahaha. Alright, I got two that you can touch. Provided you’re not gonna pass out. xD

Pfft! My 16-year-old best friend has more chest hair than that! But he won’t let me take pics and post them. >.>

Joe you’re like a sexee mix of Kevin Smith and Seth Rogan. If I wasnt Married already I would totally hit it.

Why Thankyou….

Dr. Moodkill AWAY!!!!

*dundundunduuunndunduuun*

Like sonic!!!!

Awesome….

are you going to make him squeal?

You know, I got yelled at the last time I tried to make an unsee site. But, I’ll see what I can do.

In all honesty Australia is high on my list of places to go. My passport can always use more stamps. And, don’t think the innuendo is lost on me. I’m at least mildly clever.

Because we either A) Can appreciate the female form as well, or B) are closeted/open lesbians who probably get off on the pics as much as you guys do.

Oh, and Joe? Not as bad looking as you say you are. And I’m bi and lean more towards lesbianism than straight.

make that 10 boobies… I love me a well build man!!!!

built* geez, first comment on the site and I can’t friggen spell!!!

You’re kindof REALLY hot, you know.

Uh….because the chicks are hawt? Straight female talkin’ here.

like a pig in heat.

if that was a 32 wouldnt he be like…i donno….dead? since internal organs tend to be close together not far apart like on TV.

Joe, You do put the “Hawt” in Hawtness! I’d hit that! You being a smoker is definitely a perk! What’s your brand? It’s kind of hard to tell. The quality makes it look like a rollie though. There’s nothing wrong with facial and chest hair! And don’t let these people tell you otherwise! It’s makes a man look like a man!

By the way, keep up the good work with the site! More curvy girls please? ^_^

Yay for Bi girls loving Hawtness! Unite! I show it to all my girl-liking friends, Male and Female!

Thanks Joe, I’m pretty satisfied, and quite pleased that I don’t regret lobbying for the posting of your photo. Also, just to make sure I got this right:
You live in a basement full of women in Seattle.
You were fed through a tube after being birthed by a kobol.
Everyone wants to take your tie.
You have about an 82% “attractiveness” rating (based on total positive and negative responses, comments on eyes included).
You like scotch and gin.
And you felt obligated to personally reply to as many of these comments as possible, reinforcing the fact that to me, you’re a cool guy.

what did you eat?

I’m as confused as you cannedtoo…

how big is your basement?

Yeah, but a little bit of confidence can be dangerous, I’ll try to keep an even keel.

Also Dildo Baggins is pretty funny. Plus dildo is just fun to say.

sorry…

shit…you crit me?

also “purdy mouth.” eww…

technically those are unfiltered lucky strikes, but if price is not an option American Spirits.

Good Choices! I’ve had lucky strikes a few times, they were alright. And amreican spirits aren’t bad at all, though I tend to like my additives. I’m more of a camel girl myself, but not the No. 9s as they taste like cotton. Kamel Reds are the best. You should try them some time!

Eh, not sure what my “coolness” meter is, but i do really like scotch and gin. Also the basement is not full of women. Mostly empty bottles.
Also, I’m a pretty big fan of wine and my homemade poorgaritas, which I will give the recipe for a at a later date.

if you get rid of all that stuff and find a way out of your mother’s basement… i’d totally nail you.

Actually, you are pretty hawt. I’d hit that.

let’s trade outfits

..lets*

Yes, most awesome.

Umm…. Ok so I don’t really have a basement but I have a crawl space. And interwebs. Can we say LAN party and some wowage? And naked chicks. Well chick. You HAVE to play naked. The only way.

I change my mind. You can’t touch. You can grope. lol

Naw, I’d hug you for your hat too.

shhhhh. just close your eyes. itll be okay.

Pretty sexy. Glad i voted yes.

DAMN YOU!

Joe… you are a very good looking man.
(ps. seeing as I am from Nevada, i very much appreciate the poker chips)

You’re hairy… But my husband’s got 3x as much. And no, I don’t make him wax or shave. It insulates him and if he didn’t have it, how would I keep warm at night? ::sighs:: fuzzy….

Like Ashley said, straight girls like hawt chicks too. What, you think we never watch pr0n either??

A bear is just a man who made a choice… Do you really want to make that choice when legions of girls want to tap you?

Must you be related to Chuck Norris by any chance? I will start a Barrens chat if I have to.

Is that what they’re calling it these days? XD

(I’d like to do some nasty fun things to his ‘mini-fridge’ ;9)

*cough*12*cough* >.>

I’m a chick, I appreciate hawt pictures of chicks (not to mention pr0n), and I’d hit that.

Love the fedora!!

I still can’t decide if it’s disturbingly horrible and funny, or funnily disturbing and horrible, or even horribly disturbing and funny…

There wasn’t really another name that implied David Ryder has four cats and spends five hours a day gaming, so I just went with the one that made me laugh the most. It makes me think of some sort of fattie Olympics.

How’d you get the pasties to stay? Nipple hair + tape = OOOW!!

You look like an evil teddy bear! I just wanna give you a big hug ;3 :3 :3 ♥ ♥

Joe, way to be awesome. I’d snuggle-rape the shite out of that. A man has chest hair, boys do not; why I am a fan of chest hair on my male choices. Not so much chest hair on my women, though. People think that bi girls are up for anything, but I have to say: NO CHEST HAIR ON WOMEN. Too creepy. xD
I’d tangle my fingers in yours, though. *wink*
Sarah
P.S. Also, way to win on the most comments on your own site.

ew Justin Beiber. why would you even do that. i just threw up a little.

Aw, come on Joe. You aren’t half bad Girls like to cuddle. You sir are cuddle material!

I tarred my penis just the other night!

Freak’n AWESOME!! Break of a chunk of that hawtness!!

WHY!?!?!?

My mom would love it.

So I’m a real girl who checks your site all the time, ahaha. An actual girl on the interwebz And you’re pretty cute! After all your fuss I was expecting a creep in a basement, not a cutie with cool glasses, a fedora, and awesome eyes.

Actually everyone said the exact same thing, ahaha. Sorry for the repetition. But hey, hooray for hawtness!

Oh baby ;o I’d tape that xD!

ohohooh, *grins evilish*

ur so gonna be my new chatroulette/manycam pic >:]

Agreed. I was definitely expecting something worse.

Damn, I’d tie you up and force fuck you. Wait, that’s rape right? Ok, I’d rape you. And you’d like it.

hi-five for that

Damn….that’s totally hot, like for real.

In fact, I think you’re really hot.
Too bad you’re not in France!

MST3KFTW!!!! never met another soul besides my boyfriend (who happens to look a lot like you, oddly) who likes it. rock on, Big McLargeHuge B) incidentally, you do look rather cuddly, and keep the beard. B) lose the cig, and you’d be downright cute

It may be the crazy pms hormones talking, but I’d hit that.

yeah LOVE the Killinger tie. I’ve got mine.

noted!

you’re quite the thief.

I hope Dr Moodkill has super speed. So he can quickly run in and create awkward situations.

I like LAN parties…and crawl spaces…and wow…and naked ladies…hmm…

I think it’s because no one believes there are really women on the internet. That’s the rumor at least.

I am in front of a screen door nice catch!

*laughing so hard I’m crying*

Oh, boy. You’re adorable.

I’ve heard that before, and it didn’t end well.

It is too bad. I need to tour Europe again.

Noted, and if I like it…it’s not rape.

Wait? What?

Hooray for snuggle-rape.

WOW. You’ve created the thread that won’t die. This thing needs a death knell. It’s bad enough that we have to imagine a doe-eyed Seth Rogen type dressed as a Lady Gaga back-up dancer every time we come on here. Actually, I don’t know what her dancers look like, but she probably has them and she wrote that one song about lesbians playing poker, right? [saracasm]

For some reason you look like Burnie Burns from Roosterteeth to me.

I have to agree very sexy!

i agree

14!

I know I’m a little late in on this, but I’m a girl and love this site (hot women are the best pick me up) and Joe, I’d bang that like a door in a hurricane.

Just sayin’

16!

But where’s the fun in that? :’(

I’d best make sure my girlfriend never sees you, lest I lose her.

Joe darlin you want to know whats better then gin and tonic?gin and TANG best thing EVER.also you look like you’d be fun to cuddle with ^_^

seconded!
…..please …..?

Very intresting …… Keep a weather eye out for politicians. You think you have them in sight and then “BAM!’ Right in the kisser.

At least I won’t steal your heart? Those are delicate things. :p

YOU BASTARD!

That’s not nearly as horrible as it could’ve been. Still, lose the cigarette, since emphysema is extremely not-cool.

Joss, I think we need to explain sarcasm to you…

Would you happen to be from the southern US? Because that hurricane analogy was pure southern win…

17. You can only touch the left one. BWAHAHA!

it’s not bad if you get laid in the end. which seems like a distinct possibility…

Rumor?! it’s rule number 30 of the interwebs, and you could apply rule 28 to many of these comments.

But I’m a chick too..because rules were made to be broken

Haha, you are a much better looking Galifianakis-esque man. And I get made fun of for having a huge crush on Zach XD

fffffffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

Oh Joe… You’re so cute! I’d do you if I wasn’t in a relationship. Maybe I’ll ask my girlfriend for a threesome… (And yes, I am a girl!)

because i like boobies too.

y the hell not???

THIRDED!! ^.^

i have to tell u, i’d hit that. in ur mother’s basement. with whipped cream and chocolate. <3

And Tennessee please! Thanks

Nommy…… I’d do things to you

19

Wow. I think I’m in love!

This picture makes him look effin hot. Id hit that everyday and twice on Sunday.

You remind me of this beard I knew once.

Holy damn. You’d be extremely bang-able if you lost the cigarette. I’m allergic to smoke, so I’d die if I kissed you.

Regardless, I just wanna strap you to a chair and you a happy, happy boy.

I gotta say, you actually are quite good looking, an have very nice eyes. >.> I envy your very nice eyes. But I agree with some of the people on here, if I didn’t believe in no sex till marriage, I’d hit that.

Yeah, i know it’s not REALLY full of women I’m sure there only a few.

No worries, if you read enough of XKCD, you’re free from the game. LIKE ME!!! *points tongue and laughs*

21!

Nooo the cigarette ruins it! Ew. You could have been so cute!

OMG I have a mole on my chest in the same place as you. Only I’m a girl so my bewb partly covers it.

I’m a chick, and I love this site lol. You look cute too, Joe. Not such an enigma anymore, however.

I don’t think I could ever hate you. I can offer booze, though.

OK, I have to say it.
OMFG I’d so tap that.
lol

And Mississippi.

Joe,I adore you for posting this.
And by the way,nice tits,I mean tats…..I mean both? XD

23!

I have to agree with all of the other Sarahs. Hawt! Joe, does your mother’s basement have a window you can prop open so that I can sneak in and kiss you for hours?

As to the Moob comments, I disagree that they are moobs. You simply have adequate flesh to be nibbled and licked!

Do not think me weird…but I think you’re hot… xD

Defeat the Awkward Zone with Maximum rediculousity..

And Texas!

Joe, I think you should start up a section of the site that inclides only pictures of you…..I believe many of us females here would enjoy it greatly…..a few of the males too

I’ed hit that.

With fire.

You definitely live up to the name Hawtnwss. Nice.

so um yeah… this was unexpected. but what a pleasant surprise!
you’re adorable, that’s for sure. ^-^
*snuggles?*

Women do not roam the interwebs or play any online games. They only Myspace and Facebook.

Yeah you’re definitely good-looking, and I’m gay.

Nice Tits, Joe.
You are my new inspiration to download pictures of myself on websites with lots of girls. Thank you very much.
Now just hand over your hat and tie…
BTW you now have 23 boob touches. You can touch my girlfriends.

Well, I’m a girl and I’m bi so I come around to look at all the hawt chicks ’cause they stir something up in my lady parts.
Hope that helps answer your question a bit.

PS. Joe Hawtness FTW. You look like a guy I used to date but turned out to be a douche so he ruined it for you, sorry.

Thanks…I think my cans are my best feature.

Hey, would you pass out if I tied you up and rode you?

Bahahahahahaaa!!!!

It does tend to get lost in the translation…

awww! I think you’re cute Deffinately not what I expected [which was a much bigger and older dude]

Ok, here’s how you get enough cash to get out of your mom’s basement. Webcam striptease for the chicks here. Either that or your going to be set for booze for a very, very, long time!

pure genius.

Nice hairline is nice.

Joe … Will you marry me? ^_~

26!

I think I speak for all your female viewers (readers, maybe?) when I say, I’d hit it

Personally, I’d have gone with “shot with 9 mm while traveling in insurgent Middle Eastern country.” Certainly more mystique.

Some people either don’t care or are just typing too fast to capitalize the word/name ‘god’. I personally just don’t care no offense.

That is highly unlikely and obviously NOT TRUE as there have been quite a few women posting comments including me

Positively dreamy…!

Joe you’re a lucky man. Add me to the list of Girls Who’d Willingly Tap That Given the Chance. Smile, it’s a long list

odd fetish? I think yes.

26 wtf?

Dio died after this picture was posted.

:*

Who needs eye bleach when you have binoculars!

Oh my. Come back from a bit of a forced break to find that Joe Hawtness really is pretty hawt. I so wanna take your fedora, put it on my head, give you a big kiss and let you do all sorts of wicked things to me. And yes, I am a woman.

Too bad I just gave my heart to someone. In Washington for an added ironic factor. But, it’s not official yet. Quick Joe! Come to California so I can have a last fling while I’m still single!

This thread is making me uncomfortable, and those aren’t even half-naked pictures of me. You might want to lock your basement door just in case these chicks figure out where you live. Although, I agree with the general nom nom sentiment. Super cute.

And Sweden!

OMG me too on the PS. Sorry Joe, you seem cool but no boobies for you.

this is the sexiest picture i have seen on this site.
nomnom

There must be 57 tits up there!

I was going to chalk it up to a kung fu fight, in which the shaolin master ripped out Joe’s still beating heart, to which Joe responded by punching a hole through the master’s chest. The fight won, Joe kisses the girl, and inserts his heart back in place.

if that was a 32, wouldnt he be like..i donno… alive?
at that spot all that would of gotten hit was his stomach, unless it was at a retarded angle, plus we have something called surgery and antibiotics nowadays, people have survived worse than a .32 to the stomach.

ex.
Man got an 8 in. long drill bit through his eye, he survived, also soldier got stabbed in the skull, he suffered a bit of internal bleeding when they pulled the knife out, but guess what, he lived.

agreed, you look pretty sweet

I actually think you’re incredibly cute.

I think I creamed my pants. :O
Super sexy.
Yummy.

Awesome! You are my new hero!

Seriously, that’s heck-a-boobies!

noted. Point, match…Jake wins

my belly would offend my slender neighbors.

subtly, is a difficult art to master

what does that mean I would be wearing?

So what is being said, is I need to tour the world…I’ll start saving now!

Dunno…that part of the site would just become creepily NSFW, more so than the rest of the site.

I dunno…I’m not one to ruin someone’s good thing.

go wash yourself.

no.

I’d hit that. For really reals.

True goddamn story: I fucked his uncle. (Not the one named on his Wikipedia bio.)

If Zach takes after his daddy’s side of the family…. Let me just say these are men who were designed by Zeus. Oh baby. I mean… wow. If men really think with their… you know… it’s no wonder the Greeks were the most intellectually advanced culture in ancient history.

Joe im straight but no lies i would go gay for you like straight on gay

+2

Squeeeeeee!

You are so adorable!
I want to cuddle with you ’cause you’re a precious little basement dweller!

Don’t be so hard on yourself – you’re quite a nice looking guy. Totally edible.

Mmmmm You can park your shoes under my bed anytime hotstuff!

Always been a chubby chaser. Not bad!

Did you just reference Questionable Content? WIN.

Judging from comments here, you could just put a donate button on the front page and you’d have the money in no time.

Heck, I’ll even name your tour: “Hawt Trip: Bang or Bust or Both”

For the record, you look a little like me, only a lot skinnier.

My mind is blown by the number of comments on this thread.
It’s taken me so long to get to the bottom that I forgot what you looked like, but getting this many comments, and good ones, and how comfortable you seem with your body, I gotta say that’s hawt.
Incidentally, this is a very interesting site to visit when you’re high.

That’s a really weird place for a belly button…

now either my standards are slipping or those drinks my friend made me were reeeally strong, but you look pretty ok to me, the scar is cool too

POW! RIGHT IN THE KISSER!
POW! RIGHT IN THE KISSER!
POW! RIGHT IN THE KISSER!
POW! RIGHT IN THE KISSER!
POW! RIGHT IN THE KISSER!
POW! RIGHT IN THE KISSER!
POW! RIGHT IN THE KISSER!
POW! RIGHT IN THE KISSER!

You look almost exactly like my boyfriend…its kinda scary…but kinda sexy too…

First one looks like Ricky from Trailer Park Boys…