TDW Tease
 

« Previous | Next »


Joe Hawtness In The 'Too Much' Flesh!!!

wtf girl photos - joe hawtness

The majority of you voted yes, and, here we go. It isn’t as much fun for me to make fun of myself, so I leave that to you.

Favorite CommentTHE ENTIRE THREAD

*wipes tear from eye*

Click for more of this horribleness

wtf girl photos - joe hawtness 2

Here is some eye-bleach

What Is This? Some Sort Of Umbrella Protest

Submitted by: ekahnicole via Submit Page

Incorrect source or offensive?
  • Share on Facebook
  • Copy & paste this:
  • Computerman897

    Is that your navel? Or did you get raped by some pissed off dude with a butcher’s knife?

  • Cecona

    That first picture makes you look like Zach Galifianakis.

  • http://ichcjose.wordpress.com Joe Hawtness

    I’ll let your imagination decide that. Also…alt text second image.

  • http://ichcjose.wordpress.com Joe Hawtness

    do not insult Zach Galifianakis

  • Kitsune

    You’re really not that bad looking!

  • Leviticus

    I have to say it. Photoshopped. That’s a dude. There. Did I miss anything?

  • unholyghost2003

    you look like a good friend of mine, but he is much much hairier. It is a good look man, wear it with pride.

  • zrnzle500

    Nice Venture Bros. tie. very classy

  • ba12348

    yes… yes you did miss something

  • Thick McRunfast

    Okay, who knew our man was this sexy! I love barrel-chested, inked-up smokers in fedoras. No lie, this was a nice surprise.

  • Ms. Fix-It

    Don’t lie to the nice people Joe. That IS your belly button. Be proud of you alien heritage!

  • Me

    I can imagine the hair being pulled with the pasties. Ouch!

  • http://www.twitter.com/laureotheoreo LaureoTheOreo

    i don’t know if you noticed, but your cigarette isn’t lit!

  • http://ichcjose.wordpress.com Joe Hawtness

    I can’t smoke in my basement ever since my mom’s house got its liquor license.

  • http://ichcjose.wordpress.com Joe Hawtness

    Holy fucking shit you win 100 internets!!!!! Nice catch.

  • Dude

    Dude.. I think I just fell in love with you..
    totally get the ‘hawt’
    in joe hawtness now..

  • Dave

    Now I have an image to concentrate on when I masturbate. Ohhhh, baby, and I’m not even gay!

    Or should I say I wasn’t before.

  • Paxy

    Wow. This is what I was waiting for??? Dude, you’re not that bad looking. Actually, you’re pretty hot. ;)

  • WHATTHEF

    so when can you and i crack open some beer, roll a fattie and watch girl on girl porn together is what i wanna know?

  • Sooky

    WTF did you have keyhole surgery for on the left side? Doesn’t look like the right place for a splenectomy.

  • drunken_coyote

    All I have to say is WOOOO!

  • danielle

    i must say very zexy :D

  • Jaomig

    Id say keep up the good work (behind the cameras and monitors ;P ) I prefer seeing your taste for hawties than your… well… that…

  • ekahnicole

    Well…you do look like a nerdy fanboy that still lives in his mom’s basement- but cooler. I bet you’ve actually touched a boob before

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    I’ll let you pick the time and place. Provided my mom lets me out.

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    Yeah, but I passed out shortly afterwords. So the whole ordeal was sort of a blur.

  • Sane Person

    Gunshot wound? 32 maybe?

  • Steven

    Hey, what’s your tattoo all about?

  • http://TeratoMarty.livejournal.com TeratoMarty

    Awwwyeah baby, turn around, let us see what you got.

  • the_kinkies

    You’re cute. :-)

  • http://midnytecatgoddess.deviantart.com/ Feral

    As I girl I have 2 points to make. 1. I want that tie 2. You have pretty eyes.

  • Jeky

    Go Joe!

  • ekahnicole

    Shame. From reading the comments above, I’d say you could have another shot. Granted, there are some man-boobs in the mix…

  • akana

    Yup. I agree. Not as painful as I thought it was gonna be.

  • mr. fantasy

    You pretty good lukin guy.

  • Juststoppingby

    Hey! You’re actually quite good looking. And I know you’re funny from regularly visiting the site. I would totally hit that if I was single. (Granted, the pasties are a little unsettling, lol.) Don’t be so hard on yourself man.

  • max

    Dear Joe
    I have more chest hair than you.
    Just thought you should know.
    Sincerely,
    Max

  • hotpants14

    SHOPPED!

  • guy

    Awsome beard.
    There, I said it.

  • http://jamisings.wordpress.com/ jamisings

    Aw Joe, you’re cute! I mean, you’d be better without the beard IMHO. (I don’t like facial hair.) But it’s nice to see a guy with chest hair – too many guys wax now adays. And your manboobs aren’t bigger then mine.
    Honestly, you’re not as bad as you make out. I bet lots of girls like to cuddle with you.

  • http://jamisings.wordpress.com/ jamisings

    Forgot to mention I’m a militant anti-smoker. So you’d have to lose the cig too. Besides, it’s a proven fact that smoking causes impotence. (Tar collects in the soft tissues of the penis, restricting blood flow, therefore leading to impotence.) If you smoke you will have to go on Viagra. Bob Dole takes Viagra. Do you REALLY want to have something in common with Bob Dole?

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    Dear Max,
    I am jealous.
    There I said it.
    Sincerely,
    Joe

    P.S. Pics or it didn’t happen.

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    I do like to talk about myself in the third person :P

  • pineapple

    Cute. (I am a girl, btw. :-)

  • Monty

    MINE EYES! THE GOGGLES DO NOTHING!

  • Squidface

    Dude! I have the same hat as you. LONG LIVE THE FEDORA FRATERNITY!!

  • idogis1

    I’d hit it

  • gloomhound

    Uhhh…….ok.

  • Tavarin

    I think I have the same glasses as you. And want that tie, seriously awesome.

  • CannedToo

    Where’s Canman with the fat joke now?

  • Nathan B

    With a stick, maybe.

    I keed, I keed. Seriously, man, I agree with what Kitsune said.

  • http://www.twitter.com/laureotheoreo LaureoTheOreo

    lol brilliant… i bet you only have 1 to do sexy pictures like these ;)

  • master baiter

    Well, Joe, looks like you’ve managed a whole lot of conquests here all at one go. All of them are male, school-age kids, though, not sure if that was EXACTLY what you were after. But good luck with the invitations to candle-lit dinners in their mums’ basement rooms.

  • CannedToo

    Joe, the shape of the hair on your chest reminds me of the crosses from the Blair Witch Project.

  • mrpants98

    NO! I voted NO! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!

  • http://www.indanthrone.com/ mancer

    I’d tap that. you seeing anyone? ;)

  • Sarah

    I think you’re actually pretty hot.

  • Leeza

    D’AAAWWW YOU’RE SO CUTE! :D

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    I know?! I’ve been waiting all morning.

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    Thanks…

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    That may well be the oddest thing anyone has told me about myself.
    Well done, sir.

  • krissyg89

    I usually go on here for the chicks…

    But you’re hot too :P

  • Llya

    +1 !

  • QueenNaiomi

    Wow Joe, you are sexy as hell

  • Goober

    Y’know what? You actually look like a pretty OK dude. I’d drink a scotch with you. I wish you the best of success. I was totally afraid you’d look like a total douchebag or something.

    If you had hyperlinks available, I’d have high-lighted “douchebag” and sent everybody to http://www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com

    But, then, if your audience doesn’t already know about that one, they probably don’t DESERVE to know, now do they?

  • V

    You bastard, I barfed so hard my stomach was in my mouth

  • PokerPasties

    Nip slip

  • Kyle

    Ok, we’ve got to see close ups of the tattoos a la Ugliest Tattoos, your sister site.

  • Rethie

    Holy crap. You’re legit hot. and here I was expecting some creepy old guy like the ones that hit on me at the grocery store. Win? I believe so.

  • Thick McRunfast

    Please tell me “Max” is short for Maxine.

  • ItllBeAnarchy

    I have to say, I didn’t realize what this was when I first saw it, and so was a little confused. Beyond the fact that I generally only come to Hawtness for the, you know, hot chicks, it was a fairly pleasant surprise.

    You’re far from appalling. In fact, you’re nearly almost nice enough to hold your own on the site. So not too shabby.

    This is a chick, by the way, if that helps any balancing out the Schoolboy Mancrush theme of your comments.

  • NurseKitty

    g-tube or gall bladder scar ?

  • Gineel

    Nice hairline, nice and receding.

  • http://otherthanswears.comicgenesis.com/ gwenz

    You’re a total cutie! I would suggest making babies, but I’ve already agreed to do the same with a different chubby bearded boy with square plastic glasses…

  • http://www.falling-comic.com FireFlyNexes

    Two things.

    First: Pretty good looking for an internet guy.
    Second: I want to know more about the Tattoos.

  • The Disemboweler

    There you go Joe….maybe you can trade her the tie for a boob touch, or two! (try not to pass out this time)

  • X13

    That looks like my mom!

  • CandyCaneGirl

    I’d hit that, but i imagine our realtionship would be like Pam and tommy lee’s. Of course you would get the Pamela end of the deal.

  • Gene

    Wow. You’re actually pretty cute. Sort of a bear cub look.

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    I really like scotch…and gin. I think I’m going to grab a drink now. And might I add, the best to you as well, Goober.

  • http://Hawtness Meghan

    You are hawt sir, get it… hawtness.

  • JOn a

    Joe!
    I’ve known you for almost 10 years, and this is only the second time I’ve seen you with your shirt off.

  • Spazkitty

    How can anyone resist that come hither stare or those attractive hairy moobs?

  • Essexgirl

    What, no tassels? Ah well, still a nice change from all the usual Hawtness…

  • K9 William

    no, his chest hair looks like a sprawled out stickman :P and dude chicks tell me im good lookin, but i reckon u win like 50 hands down :D

  • Alisha

    Wow…poker pasties AND glasses? Hawt….just, not Hawtness.

  • Jesus

    The first 2 pictures are awesome…..but the last one was horrible compared to those lovely man boobs….. FAT PEOPLE UNITE!!!! :D

  • Curves

    I second the pretty eyes comment :)
    Mind you, I’m a sucker for a beardie

  • stephanie

    hawt facial hair. my favorite…

  • nicole

    i wonder if those were as fun to take off as they were to put on.

  • Phil

    Hawt…NAWT.

    Joe, you shall henceforth be known as “Joe Nawtness.”

    And you have only yourself to blame…

  • SuperFreightLady

    I voted yes, and I approve of those pics… the top two, NOT that other one (yikes!). When your mom lets you out, you can totally come over to my house and co-op on some xBox games.
    Call me! :D

  • Nicole

    Joe! Minus the pasties, you’re quite the cutie!

  • Cheryl

    Joe baby, you have beautiful blue eyes :)

  • Dgitalchaos

    You look like the creeper from that movie about a hangover, can’t quite remember what it was called, but it involved several guys hungover from roofies instead of x… and Mike Tyson knocked him out…

    I think it was called the Hang… something….

  • BeepBoop

    Awww… I was hoping to see your awesome mini-fridge…

  • Scniab

    From what you say about yourself I was expecting a greasy-haired, morbidly obese guy in a leopard print bathrobe… but you’re… HAWT. o.O

  • 13caffeine

    You actually look quite nice, sir :]
    (thought I’d put my two cents in, everyone else was complimenting you. But, in all seriousness, I think you’re being far too hard on yourself.)

  • master baiter

    So it looks after all you might get some invitations to candle-lit dinners from GIRLS, too.
    (Keep away from their mums, though. They can be very embarrassing, with loads of personal questions.)

  • Vandigo

    MOLE

  • Shaid

    Honestly, you look like a younger, less fuzzy version of my husband. (much less fuzzy.) Beard and all. And considering I’m married to someone who looks like you… yeah, I’d hit that.

    Love the blog, baby. Keep up the good work. kisses.

  • Faustina

    This is so not as bad as i was thinking it was going to be you do have really pretty eyes but i worry about the bullet wound…..did you go duck hunting with Dick Cheney?
    i voted yes ….

  • tmutant

    Nice tie.

  • LugNutBear

    You’re a sexy man. And you get many extra points for the Dr Killinger tie!

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    I know right…wtf hairline?!?!??!?!
    But, I suppose I’m no spring chicken.

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    I almost shot gin out of my nose when I read this…Nawtness…I like it.

  • crumbkittie

    ok…i officially love You Joe!! so kute (i love nerds) the little pasties are adorkable..they make me want to peel them off and lick what i find underneath..btw..i know i would look better in that hat than You :p

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    Hey Jon! How’s it going? I’m sorry I don’t walk around all the time without a shirt on.

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    I love that tie, and pretty much invent excuses to wear it.

  • jackiesayshuh

    i missed the voting. but you eerily remind me of an ex of mine but on the upside you have pretty eyes

  • Sarah

    Joe, I was way surprised how good you look. I agree with the pretty eyes & awesome tie comments. Rock the tie!

  • HarHar

    It really isn’t as bad as I was expecting. I mean, I’m from the internet, I’ve seen much much worse.

  • Amy Hawtness

    Wow, I was expecting you to be some really gross creeper from your self descriptions but you’re really attractive! And you have a Venture Bros tie on! I now love you and declare us internets married, I’ve changed my last name accordingly.

  • Goodfishie

    OH GOD! POUR THE HOLY WATER INTO MY EYES!!! Wait… Not too bad looking , but I’m straight so bleh

  • Mana

    Joe you are truely hawt,wow!

  • http://midnytecatgoddess.deviantart.com/ Feral

    for the tie I’d make it 3 boob touches.

  • weregoat

    1. Fedora. win.
    2. OMG TIE. i must know where i can obtain one.
    3. you do, indeed, have perty eyes. ( XD i’m from kansas, i had to do the accent)
    4. Nice glasses, mine are very similar.
    5. I have to admit, i’m a bit disappointed that the pasties aren’t sparkly. eh well.
    not bad, in any case :)
    PS. i am, in fact, a girl.
    PPS. the tan lines in the last picture bother me immensely.

  • Hizzle OD

    1. pic: “sooo… i did what you wanted – i came to your basement, undressed, put stickers on my nipples – i’m still waitin for that lighter and now your makin pictures of me? and what are you hiding behind your back?”
    2. pic: *chainsaw-cutting-through-belly-noise*

    i think if thats really joe on the fotos – he dead, man.
    R.I:p ADOnis

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/taekwondogirl taekwondogirl

    I like how the only people you’re responding to are male, haha. I agree with the remarks about you being cute.

    I’d pull you into a deep hug… and then I’d steel your tie and run off.

  • Mount

    Rawr! (that means “you’re hawt!” in dinosaur)

  • stasia

    You’re quite cute – just about exactly my type. Wow. And your eyes are very attractive.

    Stasia

  • Almighty Spock

    You look like the perfect person to get a hug from when I’m feelin down.

  • Frisk

    I think he looks good. Definitely like the courage though! Give that man a Klondike bar

  • Skill-less

    Joe! Let’s go grab a drink! I’m sure we can hook you up with about 3 dozen or so fine hotties!

  • http://pottergirl11.livejournal.com librarygirl

    damn boy, you’re not nearly as bad lookin’ as you made out. you’re HAWT! :3

  • Ohdear

    Stay classy, man. Nice tie. Awesome fedora. e-chocolate and a nice Chianti are on the way, but I’m afraid I have no e-money to stick in your garter. o/.\-

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/taekwondogirl taekwondogirl

    Steal. Wow.

  • Clerk

    You look like a younger, skinnier, “Silent Bob” without the overcoat. I’ve seen much uglier married men.

  • Wendy

    **RAWR** ;P

  • Ahetma Vaakenjaab

    LOL!!!

  • Preds

    i’m a girl gotta say i love a cuddly guy with beard
    Xx

  • André

    You are one hot fellow. I totally love your beard. And I have a LOT more chest hair than you. Next to me, you’d look hairless. Nice tie, too.

  • Lori

    Aww, you have pretty eyes!

  • mofo

    I voted “no” but this is nice anywhooo. :)

  • Jimmy

    Pasties win! Plenty of WTF in that pic, Joe.

  • Annah

    Oh… hey… hello, you’re totally hawt together with your sense of humour you got this German girl al hot and bothered. Wanna come for a visit to Germany? I’ll give you beer and some robust German lovin’…

  • aroptua

    Joe, had to leave a comment. Voted “yes” and pretty glad I did. You look awesome and pretty much like what I’m aiming for, sadly, I have a very high metabolism and can never grow a beerbelly or manboobs. I’ve tried. Let’s have scotch and smoke a pipe..or cigars some time, I’m byin’. >.>

  • tracylee

    Hmmm, maybe these pics will cure my cat of being in heat?

    Just kidding!!!! You do have great eyes.
    I have a matching g-tube scar, but it’s under a huge surgery scar, so no tie could possibly hide it. And no, no pics to follow.

  • Joss

    Joe runs the site… there was a vote thing on a couple of pics of hot women wearing pasties to decide whether the world wanted him to try… we decided we did! lol

    good for you joe for having the balls to put those up!!! :D

  • cdfghj

    Hawt

  • Commenting on eye bleach

    Tan lines and cellulite.

  • Sarah

    Mom: “So how did you meet?”

    Girl: “Oh, he’s the moderator of a Web site that has pictures of Hawt girls doing wierd things. I really fell for him when he posted half naked pictures of himself in homemade pasties. Tee-hee.”

  • Sarah

    That might have been my old boss. *shudders*

  • Sarah

    He may be weirded out to have so many female followers.

  • the golden fox

    well finally i understand why this site is called Hawtness <3

  • elg3

    DO NOT WANT
    DO NOT WANT
    DO NOT WANT
    *curls up in ball sobbing and sucking thumb*

  • Azaeryll

    Oh man you’re so cool ! XD How many people would’ve told the idea without having the guts to do it ? And we appreciate your humoristic self degradation, but no you’re not looking that bad, not my type of guy, but still got a cute face :P

    And YES, guys nowaday can admit other men are pretty !

  • carnifex

    damn,now i want that hug.

  • Dude

    Holy crap at the hole in your chest.
    I mean did you have a “Chasing Amy” moment.

  • snizz

    a dr. killinger tie, no less.

  • http://cheezburger.com/MartinCron Martin Cron

    So, yeah, “no homo” and all that.

    I work with Joe Hawtness (srsly) and I gotta say, he looks better with the clothes on. A few fancy Fridays ago, he was wearing navy pinstripe slacks, a pale shirt and that tie while leaning casually against the wall all James-Dean-Style and I thought “Damn! I bet his mother’s basement is just wall-to-wall ladies down there”.

  • Paxy

    I got one you can touch. lol

  • katy

    YOU’RE SOOOO CUUUUTTTTEEEEE omgz want.

  • yorkie

    Wow. why do so many chicks come here to look at…chicks, at least most of the time?

  • southerngirl

    hawt =)

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    I’ve tried to respond to as many as I can get to…plus I think I just respond better to hate and offers of booze.

  • katy

    OMGZ RAINIER WOLFCASTLE YOU WIN ONE MEELLION INTERNETS!

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    Oh, Kansas…I used to be a Missouri kid so I know the accent well.
    The tie is available at adultswim.com

  • boadicea

    I agree. Nothing at all wrong with these pics. and nice MST3K reference

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    oh and i’m not terribly crafty so I just went with easy to find pasties which were just poker chips.

  • katy

    + 2! There are six possible boobie touches here for the taking sir!

  • lord Ebil

    the game :D

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    Had I been duck hunting with Cheney I think I would have been shot in the face.

    The scar…I had to be fed through a tube when i was really young.

    Damn now the mystery of the bullet wound is gone.

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    Also I knew you’d only hug me for a chance at the sweet Dr. Killinger tie.

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    WHAT DO YOU HAVE AGAINST MY PASTIES!!!

    but thank you.

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    You know…I just had nothing Tassely around the basement. Shame really.

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    So wait, I’m not grown up enough to be a bear?
    awww…

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    Your former boss hits on people at grocery stores? Can’t he take a night class or buy women drinks at bars? Do you think the boxes of frozen corndogs just scream aphrodisiac to him?

  • Rethie

    Yeah, being a female at a grocery store is bad idea.

    Though if Joe came rollin’ through… not so much. :D

    Really lovin’ the ink and the tie. And the fedora.

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    To sum up my thoughts (I will still try to respond personally to comments) Thanks to those of you who don’t think I’m disgusting!!!!!
    To those of you who did, thanks for the perspective I guess.
    The tie is available at AdultSwim.com
    The scar is (sadly) not a bullet hole, it is from an operation when I was a baby human.
    And, perhaps I’ll take a couple of photos of my tattoos and post them in the comments.

  • weregoat

    we can’t appreciate the female form just as much as you? ouch.

    i’m also an art student. i’m wanting to get a pinup tattoo sometime soon & i stumbled across this site searching for ideas.

  • weregoat

    damn you

  • weregoat

    that just made my day.

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    Are you a dinosaur?

  • http://facebook.com/iheartgrunge StephanieSlaughter

    WTB JOE HAWTNESS. <- WoW reference. But seriously. I will give you a case of beer and some naughty pics. Kgo. Oh, yes I am in fact a chick. Now kgo.

  • RandomChicka

    GAH!!!!!

  • RandomChicka

    Wow… definitely NOT what I expected… you’re not bad looking at ALL! Props on convincing all of us you’d be freakishly hideous and geeky =D and I’m curious how you got the chips to stick….

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    I would prefer whiskey… also thanks for the trade chat!

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    electrical tape. Side note: did not hurt as much as you’d think coming off.

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    welcome to my corner of the interwebs

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    thanks martin, though you make my lair sound sort of creepy. And trust me you rock your suit way better than I.

  • weregoat

    i salute you, sir. XD

  • vìvì

    you’re just like my daddy!! Many huggies ^^

  • krissyg89

    Lol, I can see that happening

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    um…creepy…

  • Zero

    You’re a cutie ;)
    And you kinda look like silent bob….:P

    Where that “outfit” to e3 and go to Obsidians NewVegas table…they’d get a kick outta it.

  • Zero

    I’d hit that like a cheap drum…

  • Zero

    ….why does your mother’s house have a liquor liscence?

    and do you know how to make a chocolate martini or a Zombie?

  • Zero

    I see your “touches” and raise you a full on grope added to an ass smack…

  • Bob Dole

    Bob Dole approves!

    Now go get Bob Dole a sandwich….

  • Zero

    I’m a murderous Asexual Pterosaur….

  • http://ampersandartful.wordpress.com Ampersand Artful

    +5 doctor henry killinger tie. where’s your magic murder bag?

  • Zero

    So are you now an adult bird????
    Or perhaps a baby velociraptor…..

  • Ainnenoi

    Dude, seriously. Chicks appreciate hawt pictures of chicks almost as much as guys do. I’d say at least a quarter of the site’s watchers are chicks, maybe more. Just thought I’d say it.

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    I’m currently working on filling it with evil.

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    probably closer to a hedgehog.

  • aleah

    hawt damn. your name does not lie, sir.

  • Envy

    +3. Make that eight possible boobies.

  • chicky82

    Aww, why did you have to go and reveal the real cause of your scar? I thought it might have been some super cool story of how some hawtness chick drugged you and you woke up in a bathtub full of ice while missing a kidney :( You’re alright looking, I’ve seen much worse in less clothing (I like the tie)

  • rdh

    I just threw up in my mouth a little bit

  • Azurerye

    Ya know, I was expecting a horrible bastardized amalgamation of man and woman that was forced through a radio active generator, ground up in a wood chipper, re-conceived in the womb of a kobold, burned to death and resurected as a zombie.

    Your actually moderatly attractive >_>

    Thanks once again for crushing my hopes of seeing such things. This is proof god hates me.

    By the way in lieu of the pasties…. “P-P-P-Poker face p-poker face!”

  • Theresa

    Well, as a chick, I must say, I think you’re rather good looking. You have that Seth Rogan/Zack Gaoeiur83wuty8eh appeal. (Yeah, I’m not gonna google the spelling of his name. You all know who I’m talking about.) I’d give you a whirl. :)

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    Sorry…I may have called my mother a kobold once or twice if that helps.

  • CannedToo

    Really funny how you’ve gotten 5 times the comments of any of the average posts, and very few negative ones, might I add.

  • CannedToo

    He must be puny and afraid you’ll kick his can all the way down the block.

  • CannedToo

    Please capitalize God. Give the Pops some props.

  • CannedToo

    It’s spelled “Jack Black”

  • Tepaki

    Well, Joe, you look just fine. And that scar..that GOT to hurt :S Anyways, after looking at you, all I wanna do is stare at your eyes ( I like their color), pinch your cheeks and steal your tie. And for all those who “barfed in their mouth” and stuff…you have no souls :)
    PS (Yes, i’m a girl. Someone above said that at least a quarter of the people who visit Hawtness are girls…yes, I’m pretty sure it’s more than a quarter)

  • http://facebook.com/iheartgrunge StephanieSlaughter

    So uhh…. Joe… How do you feel about moving out of your mothers basement and into mine? I think there might have been a vaguely funny dirty joke in there. I would go on with more WoW references, but I’m rather flustered by just how damn hawt you really are. Anywho…. I have no idea where I was going with that.

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    why does everyone want to steal my tie?!?!?!

  • Azurerye

    It does… .a lil…..

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    wait…one?

  • Amy Hawtness

    Because it’s awesome!! Everyone also wants to stare into your eyes, hug you, and wear your hat, even the men.

  • Yesimafreaksodeal

    You have such nice eyes! They’re so expressive! How are you single?! BTW, I’m a girl, too. Why is everyone saying their gender, anyway? :)

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    I really love the name Thick McRunfast…Oh MST3K.

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    Nah, if I did that I would probably spill my drink.

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    damn, that’s a lot of boobies…

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    Yeah, that’s the beginning of a bad situation. Albeit hilarious.

  • astroraptor

    Did you take one in the gut? Looks like a gsw.

  • Aussie Chick

    Less tie= more Joe, thereby increasing hawtness exponentially.
    Lemme know if you ever wanna visit “Down Under”. :)

  • Jim Swanson

    WOO HOO for MOOBS!

  • CannedToo

    That’s what coasters are for.

  • ShitFerBrains

    Hey, he’s working on it! His first nipple relocate work was in the wrong spot as to the funky scar

  • http://gingerpaisley.wordpress.com gingerpaisley

    In the interest of sexual equity, I politely demand: MORE MEN IN PASTIES. Thank you.

  • Winter

    I appreciate a man who is a Venture fan. Looking good, Joe.

    P.S. Am I only one who thinks all the girls going “ZOMG UR HAWT! Not ugly like I thought cuz that’s what you said!!!!!!11!!!1″ have some faulty sarcasm-detection equipment?

    Just kidding, don’t get crabby. ;) Female Hawtness Fans Unite! lol

  • McAwesome

    Joe, make Nawtness.com
    DO IT.

  • Gleef

    Hooray! Woohoo!

  • Sarah

    Ha ha, no self-depreciation there. We all agreed on DailySquee.com that hedgehogs are possibly the cutest semi-veribrates on the planet.

  • HeavyKitty

    I want to see your tats from a better angle. They’re sexy as all hell from what I can see.
    Are you in front of a screen door of sorts?
    Rocking the beard. Nice eyes. I like.

    I also really want to see what Martin Cron described. That sounds like some serious badassery going on there.

  • HeavyKitty

    I’ve never said this in the few times I’ve commented here, but I really hate the little cartoon dude I got stuck with as a display picture.
    I think on FailBlog I have an angry little triangle man.
    This one looks like alien testicles.

  • erinblue

    What the hell Joe! I’ve been following Hawtness for months, expecting you to maybe, actually be a gross troll that lives in his mother’s basement. Now I don’t even care if you live in your mother’s basement, because you are goddamn cute. This girl is pleasantly surprised :D

  • Yippee

    Yeah, that’s not how smoking causes impotence, you know that right? It’s about blood pressure, microcirculation and atherosclerosis. Smoking does a lot of shitty things but filling the penis with tar ain’t one of them :)

  • kveldria

    awww, ur cute!

  • Realchaos(Daniel)

    This will be my first comment on any of the chzburger sites, and I have to say I envy you good sir. To have over 200 comments of (mostly) people telling you(in so many words) they would like to jump your bones XD. Also I too would like to say you look nothing like I expected, I was thinking much worse than this. Hope everyone’s comments have made you feel better about yourself lol.

  • Realchaos(Daniel)

    Lmfao, maaan I still crack up when I read thie second comment XD. Idk what the hell mine looks like though.

  • Esmee

    Awww you’re cute ^^ Not ugly at all. I bet you master the puppy-eyes skill big times.
    Love, Esmee (yes, a girl)

  • Noodletron

    Holy… Wow. You are sexy ;) kind of in shock, but pleasantly. Love the tie and hat and cigarette. Very classy… :P Gotta admit its a turn on to see a guy who can make a pastie photo get so many hawt comments. Wow, you’re awesome. Oh, and yes, I’m a chick. Just bi. Love your site even more than I did before now… which is really saying something. :) btw, I show my friends your site. Everyone agrees it is pure win. Thanks!!!!

  • max
  • Ida

    teehee. You’re cute.

  • Mount

    wow, way to kill the mood, Zero.

  • Jessi

    Ah, you remind me of my friend Aaron! Everyone called him Dildo Baggins because of his height and the fact that male friends are just rude, but he was still extremely attractive.

  • Thick McRunfast

    I almost went with “Flint Ironstag,” but thought that was a bit unrealistic. This name is very accurate.

  • http://yomama rachface

    … well that’s disappointing. I’d steeled myself for impending eye-rape and this is what I get? you’re actually fairly hawt! D:

  • Thick McRunfast

    I’m a girl, but then again I didn’t just scream “suck my titties, joe!!!”

  • Mitch

    So someone that guys think are cool and doesn’t look or sound like a girl (Justin Beiber) is gettin heaps of girls likin it…. sweet

  • Kei

    way to rock the man pasties– though, to be fair, they weren’t REALLY pasties… you should probably do another shoot with tassels, or hello kitty pasties, or something shiny.
    for creativity, A+
    for actual pastie-age? C

    but, way to rock it out, nonetheless.

    +5

  • S34R4Y

    I’d hit that. And do double damage.

    Incidentally. Joe- you got a purdy mouth.

  • rootee

    8 boobies for Joe the Hawtie ;p

  • Paxy

    Hahaha. Alright, I got two that you can touch. Provided you’re not gonna pass out. xD

  • Paxy

    Pfft! My 16-year-old best friend has more chest hair than that! But he won’t let me take pics and post them. >.>

  • critter

    Joe you’re like a sexee mix of Kevin Smith and Seth Rogan. If I wasnt Married already I would totally hit it. :)

  • Zero

    Why Thankyou….

    Dr. Moodkill AWAY!!!!

    *dundundunduuunndunduuun*

  • Zero

    Like sonic!!!!

    Awesome….

  • Zero

    are you going to make him squeal?

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    You know, I got yelled at the last time I tried to make an unsee site. But, I’ll see what I can do.

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    In all honesty Australia is high on my list of places to go. My passport can always use more stamps. And, don’t think the innuendo is lost on me. I’m at least mildly clever.

  • KayKay

    Because we either A) Can appreciate the female form as well, or B) are closeted/open lesbians who probably get off on the pics as much as you guys do.

    Oh, and Joe? Not as bad looking as you say you are. And I’m bi and lean more towards lesbianism than straight.

  • hollyb

    make that 10 boobies… I love me a well build man!!!!

  • hollyb

    built* geez, first comment on the site and I can’t friggen spell!!!

  • Andi

    You’re kindof REALLY hot, you know.

  • Ashley

    Uh….because the chicks are hawt? Straight female talkin’ here.

  • S34R4Y

    like a pig in heat.

  • E.Frost

    if that was a 32 wouldnt he be like…i donno….dead? since internal organs tend to be close together not far apart like on TV.

  • Clovekitten

    Joe, You do put the “Hawt” in Hawtness! I’d hit that! You being a smoker is definitely a perk! What’s your brand? It’s kind of hard to tell. The quality makes it look like a rollie though. There’s nothing wrong with facial and chest hair! And don’t let these people tell you otherwise! It’s makes a man look like a man!

    By the way, keep up the good work with the site! More curvy girls please? ^_^

  • Clovekitten

    Yay for Bi girls loving Hawtness! Unite! I show it to all my girl-liking friends, Male and Female!

  • Tsubashi

    Thanks Joe, I’m pretty satisfied, and quite pleased that I don’t regret lobbying for the posting of your photo. Also, just to make sure I got this right:
    You live in a basement full of women in Seattle.
    You were fed through a tube after being birthed by a kobol.
    Everyone wants to take your tie.
    You have about an 82% “attractiveness” rating (based on total positive and negative responses, comments on eyes included).
    You like scotch and gin.
    And you felt obligated to personally reply to as many of these comments as possible, reinforcing the fact that to me, you’re a cool guy.

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    what did you eat?

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    I’m as confused as you cannedtoo…

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    how big is your basement?

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    Yeah, but a little bit of confidence can be dangerous, I’ll try to keep an even keel.

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    Also Dildo Baggins is pretty funny. Plus dildo is just fun to say.

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    sorry…

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    shit…you crit me?

    also “purdy mouth.” eww…

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    technically those are unfiltered lucky strikes, but if price is not an option American Spirits.

  • Clovekitten

    Good Choices! I’ve had lucky strikes a few times, they were alright. And amreican spirits aren’t bad at all, though I tend to like my additives. I’m more of a camel girl myself, but not the No. 9s as they taste like cotton. Kamel Reds are the best. You should try them some time!

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    Eh, not sure what my “coolness” meter is, but i do really like scotch and gin. Also the basement is not full of women. Mostly empty bottles.
    Also, I’m a pretty big fan of wine and my homemade poorgaritas, which I will give the recipe for a at a later date.

  • kcat

    if you get rid of all that stuff and find a way out of your mother’s basement… i’d totally nail you.

  • Ahoga

    Actually, you are pretty hawt. I’d hit that.

  • katie

    let’s trade outfits

  • katie

    ..lets*

  • Gstar

    Yes, most awesome.

  • http://facebook.com/iheartgrunge StephanieSlaughter

    Umm…. Ok so I don’t really have a basement but I have a crawl space. And interwebs. Can we say LAN party and some wowage? And naked chicks. Well chick. You HAVE to play naked. The only way.

  • Paxy

    I change my mind. You can’t touch. You can grope. lol

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/taekwondogirl taekwondogirl

    Naw, I’d hug you for your hat too.

  • S34R4Y

    shhhhh. just close your eyes. itll be okay.

  • http://k19kaydar.tumblr.com/ Kay

    Pretty sexy. Glad i voted yes.

  • Krystal

    DAMN YOU!

  • Krystal

    Joe… you are a very good looking man.
    (ps. seeing as I am from Nevada, i very much appreciate the poker chips)

  • Shaid

    You’re hairy… But my husband’s got 3x as much. And no, I don’t make him wax or shave. It insulates him and if he didn’t have it, how would I keep warm at night? ::sighs:: fuzzy….

  • Shaid

    Like Ashley said, straight girls like hawt chicks too. What, you think we never watch pr0n either??

  • Jake

    A bear is just a man who made a choice… Do you really want to make that choice when legions of girls want to tap you?

  • Jake

    Must you be related to Chuck Norris by any chance? I will start a Barrens chat if I have to.

  • Kelsie

    Is that what they’re calling it these days? XD

    (I’d like to do some nasty fun things to his ‘mini-fridge’ ;9)

  • darksorceressmonoke

    *cough*12*cough* >.>

  • Stef

    I’m a chick, I appreciate hawt pictures of chicks (not to mention pr0n), and I’d hit that.

  • Shelby

    Love the fedora!!

  • wayne99

    I still can’t decide if it’s disturbingly horrible and funny, or funnily disturbing and horrible, or even horribly disturbing and funny…

  • Thick McRunfast

    There wasn’t really another name that implied David Ryder has four cats and spends five hours a day gaming, so I just went with the one that made me laugh the most. It makes me think of some sort of fattie Olympics.

  • Boob Tape?

    How’d you get the pasties to stay? Nipple hair + tape = OOOW!!

  • TheVampyBunni

    You look like an evil teddy bear! I just wanna give you a big hug ;3 :3 :3 ♥ ♥

  • NUWANDA

    Joe, way to be awesome. I’d snuggle-rape the shite out of that. A man has chest hair, boys do not; why I am a fan of chest hair on my male choices. Not so much chest hair on my women, though. People think that bi girls are up for anything, but I have to say: NO CHEST HAIR ON WOMEN. Too creepy. xD
    I’d tangle my fingers in yours, though. *wink*
    Sarah
    P.S. Also, way to win on the most comments on your own site.

  • weregoat

    ew Justin Beiber. why would you even do that. i just threw up a little.

  • Bera

    Aw, come on Joe. You aren’t half bad :D Girls like to cuddle. You sir are cuddle material! ;)

  • Danger Mouse

    I tarred my penis just the other night!

  • snowdall

    Freak’n AWESOME!! Break of a chunk of that hawtness!!

  • Tristan

    WHY!?!?!?

  • Tori

    My mom would love it.

  • Staph

    So I’m a real girl who checks your site all the time, ahaha. An actual girl on the interwebz :o And you’re pretty cute! After all your fuss I was expecting a creep in a basement, not a cutie with cool glasses, a fedora, and awesome eyes.

  • Staph

    Actually everyone said the exact same thing, ahaha. Sorry for the repetition. But hey, hooray for hawtness!

  • Karmzilla

    Oh baby ;o I’d tape that xD!

  • Shadeness

    ohohooh, *grins evilish*

    ur so gonna be my new chatroulette/manycam pic >:]

  • Tay

    Agreed. I was definitely expecting something worse.

  • BoneLicker

    Damn, I’d tie you up and force fuck you. Wait, that’s rape right? Ok, I’d rape you. And you’d like it.

  • weregoat

    hi-five for that

  • Fina

    Damn….that’s totally hot, like for real.

  • JulieA

    In fact, I think you’re really hot. :)
    Too bad you’re not in France!

  • margiefofargie

    MST3KFTW!!!! never met another soul besides my boyfriend (who happens to look a lot like you, oddly) who likes it. rock on, Big McLargeHuge B) incidentally, you do look rather cuddly, and keep the beard. B) lose the cig, and you’d be downright cute :)

  • Hoopty

    It may be the crazy pms hormones talking, but I’d hit that.

  • lightthief

    yeah LOVE the Killinger tie. I’ve got mine.

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    noted!

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    you’re quite the thief.

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    I hope Dr Moodkill has super speed. So he can quickly run in and create awkward situations.

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    I like LAN parties…and crawl spaces…and wow…and naked ladies…hmm…

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    I think it’s because no one believes there are really women on the internet. That’s the rumor at least.

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    I am in front of a screen door nice catch!

  • Paxy

    *laughing so hard I’m crying*

    Oh, boy. You’re adorable.

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    I’ve heard that before, and it didn’t end well.

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    It is too bad. I need to tour Europe again.

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    Noted, and if I like it…it’s not rape.

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    Wait? What?

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    Hooray for snuggle-rape.

  • Thick McRunfast

    WOW. You’ve created the thread that won’t die. This thing needs a death knell. It’s bad enough that we have to imagine a doe-eyed Seth Rogen type dressed as a Lady Gaga back-up dancer every time we come on here. Actually, I don’t know what her dancers look like, but she probably has them and she wrote that one song about lesbians playing poker, right? [saracasm]

  • snake1670

    For some reason you look like Burnie Burns from Roosterteeth to me.

  • Amanthissa

    I have to agree very sexy!

  • Amanthissa

    i agree

  • Amanthissa

    14!

  • Felly

    I know I’m a little late in on this, but I’m a girl and love this site (hot women are the best pick me up) and Joe, I’d bang that like a door in a hurricane.

    Just sayin’

  • Felly

    16!

  • Felly

    But where’s the fun in that? :’(

  • http://ragingdragon.deviantart.com/ RagingDragon

    I’d best make sure my girlfriend never sees you, lest I lose her.

  • http://www.facebook.com/TigGir Saara Tuli

    Joe darlin you want to know whats better then gin and tonic?gin and TANG best thing EVER.also you look like you’d be fun to cuddle with ^_^

  • Faustina

    seconded!
    …..please …..?

  • Faustina

    Very intresting …… Keep a weather eye out for politicians. You think you have them in sight and then “BAM!’ Right in the kisser.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/taekwondogirl taekwondogirl

    At least I won’t steal your heart? Those are delicate things. :p

  • GAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

    YOU BASTARD!

  • http://cheezburger.com/pictures-by-Sylderon/ sylderon

    That’s not nearly as horrible as it could’ve been. Still, lose the cigarette, since emphysema is extremely not-cool.

  • ekahnicole

    Joss, I think we need to explain sarcasm to you…

  • ekahnicole

    Would you happen to be from the southern US? Because that hurricane analogy was pure southern win…

  • ekahnicole

    17. You can only touch the left one. BWAHAHA!

  • ekahnicole

    it’s not bad if you get laid in the end. which seems like a distinct possibility…

  • ekahnicole

    Rumor?! it’s rule number 30 of the interwebs, and you could apply rule 28 to many of these comments.

    But I’m a chick too..because rules were made to be broken

  • BehindGreyEyes

    Haha, you are a much better looking Galifianakis-esque man. And I get made fun of for having a huge crush on Zach XD

  • Khaz

    fffffffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

  • Nessie

    Oh Joe… You’re so cute! I’d do you if I wasn’t in a relationship. Maybe I’ll ask my girlfriend for a threesome… (And yes, I am a girl!)

  • jackiesayshuh

    because i like boobies too.

  • Shelly

    y the hell not??? ;)

  • Shelly

    THIRDED!! ^.^

  • Shelly

    i have to tell u, i’d hit that. in ur mother’s basement. with whipped cream and chocolate. <3

  • Amy

    And Tennessee please! Thanks :)

  • Maj

    Nommy…… I’d do things to you ;)

  • Catgirl

    19

  • Sarah

    Wow. I think I’m in love!

  • Roses

    This picture makes him look effin hot. Id hit that everyday and twice on Sunday.

  • http://www.facebook.com/chelseawesome Chelsea

    You remind me of this beard I knew once.

  • http://itsmywayoflife.wordpress.com itsmywayoflife

    Holy damn. You’d be extremely bang-able if you lost the cigarette. I’m allergic to smoke, so I’d die if I kissed you.

    Regardless, I just wanna strap you to a chair and you a happy, happy boy.

  • KittyCase

    I gotta say, you actually are quite good looking, an have very nice eyes. >.> I envy your very nice eyes. But I agree with some of the people on here, if I didn’t believe in no sex till marriage, I’d hit that.

  • Tsubashi

    Yeah, i know it’s not REALLY full of women ;) I’m sure there only a few.

  • http://www.brambleface.proboards.com Beriadan

    No worries, if you read enough of XKCD, you’re free from the game. LIKE ME!!! *points tongue and laughs*

  • Stef

    21!

  • Kelsie

    Nooo the cigarette ruins it! Ew. You could have been so cute!

    OMG I have a mole on my chest in the same place as you. Only I’m a girl so my bewb partly covers it.

  • Vaunda

    I’m a chick, and I love this site lol. You look cute too, Joe. Not such an enigma anymore, however. :)

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/taekwondogirl taekwondogirl

    I don’t think I could ever hate you. I can offer booze, though.

  • Paxy

    OK, I have to say it.
    OMFG I’d so tap that.
    lol

  • Paxy

    And Mississippi.

  • http://raynenagashi.wordpress.com Bugg

    Joe,I adore you for posting this.
    And by the way,nice tits,I mean tats…..I mean both? XD

  • Ivy

    23!

  • Sarah

    I have to agree with all of the other Sarahs. Hawt! Joe, does your mother’s basement have a window you can prop open so that I can sneak in and kiss you for hours? ;)

    As to the Moob comments, I disagree that they are moobs. You simply have adequate flesh to be nibbled and licked!

  • TriggerHappyGirl

    Do not think me weird…but I think you’re hot… xD

  • Zero

    Defeat the Awkward Zone with Maximum rediculousity..

  • Zero

    And Texas!

  • Zero

    Joe, I think you should start up a section of the site that inclides only pictures of you…..I believe many of us females here would enjoy it greatly…..a few of the males too :D

  • Lesmonster

    I’ed hit that.

    With fire.

  • OsloDiamond

    You definitely live up to the name Hawtnwss. Nice.

  • lawlbrarian

    so um yeah… this was unexpected. but what a pleasant surprise!
    you’re adorable, that’s for sure. ^-^
    *snuggles?*

  • Cat

    Women do not roam the interwebs or play any online games. They only Myspace and Facebook.

  • Danielle

    Yeah you’re definitely good-looking, and I’m gay.

  • The so recently METROIDMASTER who has now transformed into the awesome and most wonderous amazing eckieckieckirutooingpownee llama

    Nice Tits, Joe.
    You are my new inspiration to download pictures of myself on websites with lots of girls. Thank you very much.
    Now just hand over your hat and tie…
    BTW you now have 23 boob touches. You can touch my girlfriends.

  • StrawberryFields

    Well, I’m a girl and I’m bi so I come around to look at all the hawt chicks ’cause they stir something up in my lady parts.
    Hope that helps answer your question a bit.

    PS. Joe Hawtness FTW. You look like a guy I used to date but turned out to be a douche so he ruined it for you, sorry.

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    Thanks…I think my cans are my best feature.

  • Paxy

    Hey, would you pass out if I tied you up and rode you?

  • Paxy

    Bahahahahahaaa!!!!

  • BarytaQ

    It does tend to get lost in the translation…

  • kiki

    awww! I think you’re cute :D Deffinately not what I expected [which was a much bigger and older dude]

  • Drantur

    Ok, here’s how you get enough cash to get out of your mom’s basement. Webcam striptease for the chicks here. Either that or your going to be set for booze for a very, very, long time!

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    pure genius.

  • 小胖子

    Nice hairline is nice.

  • http://www.facebook.com/pyriel.infinity Pyriel

    Joe … Will you marry me? ^_~

  • Mary

    26!

  • Chewy

    I think I speak for all your female viewers (readers, maybe?) when I say, I’d hit it ;)

  • I

    Personally, I’d have gone with “shot with 9 mm while traveling in insurgent Middle Eastern country.” Certainly more mystique.

  • Emma

    Some people either don’t care or are just typing too fast to capitalize the word/name ‘god’. I personally just don’t care no offense.

  • Emma

    That is highly unlikely and obviously NOT TRUE as there have been quite a few women posting comments including me

  • Roisin

    Positively dreamy…!

  • Siobhan

    Joe you’re a lucky man. Add me to the list of Girls Who’d Willingly Tap That Given the Chance. Smile, it’s a long list :)

  • babycarlos_c:

    odd fetish? I think yes.

  • onlyslightly

    26 wtf?

  • Drea

    Dio died after this picture was posted.

    :*

  • Hidden-Heart

    Who needs eye bleach when you have binoculars! :D

  • anonifem

    Oh my. Come back from a bit of a forced break to find that Joe Hawtness really is pretty hawt. I so wanna take your fedora, put it on my head, give you a big kiss and let you do all sorts of wicked things to me. And yes, I am a woman.

    Too bad I just gave my heart to someone. In Washington for an added ironic factor. But, it’s not official yet. Quick Joe! Come to California so I can have a last fling while I’m still single!

  • Blergh

    This thread is making me uncomfortable, and those aren’t even half-naked pictures of me. You might want to lock your basement door just in case these chicks figure out where you live. Although, I agree with the general nom nom sentiment. Super cute.

  • izzy

    And Sweden!

  • Maggiewho

    OMG me too on the PS. Sorry Joe, you seem cool but no boobies for you.

  • Jessica

    this is the sexiest picture i have seen on this site.
    nomnom

  • Anony-mouse

    There must be 57 tits up there!

  • Anony-mouse

    I was going to chalk it up to a kung fu fight, in which the shaolin master ripped out Joe’s still beating heart, to which Joe responded by punching a hole through the master’s chest. The fight won, Joe kisses the girl, and inserts his heart back in place.

  • random asshat

    if that was a 32, wouldnt he be like..i donno… alive?
    at that spot all that would of gotten hit was his stomach, unless it was at a retarded angle, plus we have something called surgery and antibiotics nowadays, people have survived worse than a .32 to the stomach.

    ex.
    Man got an 8 in. long drill bit through his eye, he survived, also soldier got stabbed in the skull, he suffered a bit of internal bleeding when they pulled the knife out, but guess what, he lived.

  • Bellgob000

    agreed, you look pretty sweet :)

  • Amy

    I actually think you’re incredibly cute.

  • CourtCourt

    I think I creamed my pants. :O
    Super sexy.
    Yummy.

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    Awesome! You are my new hero!

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    Seriously, that’s heck-a-boobies!

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    noted. Point, match…Jake wins

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    my belly would offend my slender neighbors.

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    subtly, is a difficult art to master

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    what does that mean I would be wearing?

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    So what is being said, is I need to tour the world…I’ll start saving now!

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    Dunno…that part of the site would just become creepily NSFW, more so than the rest of the site.

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    I dunno…I’m not one to ruin someone’s good thing.

  • http://hawtness.com Joe Hawtness

    go wash yourself.

  • Jim3k7

    no.

  • phedre

    I’d hit that. For really reals.

  • VGer

    True goddamn story: I fucked his uncle. (Not the one named on his Wikipedia bio.)

    If Zach takes after his daddy’s side of the family…. Let me just say these are men who were designed by Zeus. Oh baby. I mean… wow. If men really think with their… you know… it’s no wonder the Greeks were the most intellectually advanced culture in ancient history.

  • whathell

    Joe im straight but no lies i would go gay for you like straight on gay

  • Mary

    +2

  • MissLeading

    Squeeeeeee!

    You are so adorable!
    I want to cuddle with you ’cause you’re a precious little basement dweller!

    Don’t be so hard on yourself – you’re quite a nice looking guy. Totally edible.

  • Jokie

    Mmmmm You can park your shoes under my bed anytime hotstuff!

  • http://myspace.com/lordxenusevilmiion iXenu

    Always been a chubby chaser. Not bad! :)

  • Carpe Noctem

    Did you just reference Questionable Content? WIN.

  • Carpe Noctem

    Judging from comments here, you could just put a donate button on the front page and you’d have the money in no time.

    Heck, I’ll even name your tour: “Hawt Trip: Bang or Bust or Both”

  • Carpe Noctem

    For the record, you look a little like me, only a lot skinnier.

  • Kiki

    My mind is blown by the number of comments on this thread.
    It’s taken me so long to get to the bottom that I forgot what you looked like, but getting this many comments, and good ones, and how comfortable you seem with your body, I gotta say that’s hawt.
    Incidentally, this is a very interesting site to visit when you’re high.

  • prynsess

    That’s a really weird place for a belly button…

  • AngelKitten

    now either my standards are slipping or those drinks my friend made me were reeeally strong, but you look pretty ok to me, the scar is cool too

  • quagmire

    POW! RIGHT IN THE KISSER!
    POW! RIGHT IN THE KISSER!
    POW! RIGHT IN THE KISSER!
    POW! RIGHT IN THE KISSER!
    POW! RIGHT IN THE KISSER!
    POW! RIGHT IN THE KISSER!
    POW! RIGHT IN THE KISSER!
    POW! RIGHT IN THE KISSER!

  • Nikita

    You look almost exactly like my boyfriend…its kinda scary…but kinda sexy too…

  • Derpasaurus Rex

    First one looks like Ricky from Trailer Park Boys…

blog comments powered by Disqus

Newsletter Sign-up